My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
