I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
