I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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