I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize