have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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