I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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