can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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