if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
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