Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
