so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
