ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
