i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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