if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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