I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
