Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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