He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
