Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
