your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I am in a vortex of obligation.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
