Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
