Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Randomize
