her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
