Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize