i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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