I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Randomize
