I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
