shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
