you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
