I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize