i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
