Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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