i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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