Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
