the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
