we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize