I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
