I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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