oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Can I color on your dick again?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
