I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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