my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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