That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
