Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize