my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
