also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
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