I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
