Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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