bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
you told grandpa to call you daddy
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
