Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Just high enough for therapy.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
