i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
