dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Randomize
