I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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