No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
