i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
