i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
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