But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize