soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
