i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
