If i come over, it means nothing
We won't sleep together?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize