So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
