I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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