chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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