new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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