I think i sorta joined a cult last night
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
