and next time when you feel me up, do it right
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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