It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
