i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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