some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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