I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
She needs sedatives and a leash
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
