i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
