Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
