me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
