I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
