Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
