dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
