I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize