Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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